Are you someone who judges yourself and the world harshly?

Do you feel you have a lot to prove?

Does it overwhelm you?

Are you in despair because of that at times?

Do you typically end up sabotaging good things in your life because you feel you are not enough?

Do you end up blaming yourself and grow some resentment towards your actions?

I can continue, but I assume you understand the kind of questions or problems I am trying to address here.

There are countless ways you can ruin your mental health or sanity by creating "what if" scenarios in your head. These stressors can sometimes manifest into behaviours such as procrastination, isolation from the world, insecurities, poor interpersonal bonds, etc.

But why does it happen?

Reason 1 - Unreasonable confidence in your abilities

Being delusional can be an essential tool in your arsenal, but you must be self-aware of your shortcomings and limitations.

Let's take an example - If you constantly get a high from watching motivational videos and fail to take any action, you won't get anything done, regardless of your beautiful dreams or ambitions. Work done is still zero, which, in turn, makes you feel that you didn't achieve something significant\ with all that boosted morale.

The sooner you grow some acceptance towards it, the better off you will be. Dreams should be big enough to scare you, but the only way you get closer to them is by putting in consistent efforts and not daydreaming.

On the other hand, we have the workaholics, who are constantly in the state to better themselves but at the cost of sleep, unstable relationships, poor lifestyle and unhealthy eating/ drinking habits. The list goes on, but we have to consider both ends of the spectrum when looking at things objectively.

Both the groups won't be too happy with their approaches.

Reason 2 - Your way of life is strongly influenced by what your friends, family, and colleagues think of you.

You are scared to make mistakes. A mistake can mean a life-or-death situation to you. (Of course, some professions do demand such a skill set, but let's leave those out for a while.)

Social pressure that influenced your brain to behave at a young age can sometimes be a culprit. It might have led to the formation of a new narrative that makes sense to them but not to you. But you keep following it because you never gave another approach a try or a chance.

Maybe a new thing, job, or place will help you find your way. We are all at different stages of life, and our appetite for risk decreases as we age.

So, if you are young, you have time. If you are old, you can still try to be flexible and unlearn old systems that hold you back or make you feel small. It's time to think that you may have something to offer the world which others don't.

It may require multiple attempts at different things to see what sticks and makes you feel at peace or ease.

I won't give you any more reasons because you will probably find them on your own.

What's the way out? 

Well, the answer is not objective and most certainly not simple. When you try to change your belief system, you will struggle and experience painful unlearning experiences. This discomfort will not be as painful as the discomfort self-sabotaging causes you. You may not notice it on the first day, but when you look back, you will know all the differences there are to it.

Here are a few things I have observed and implemented, and I have found them to be successful, actionable ways to get out of the rut of being harsh towards yourself. I hope they help you, too.

1. Take action. Please keep it simple.

2. Start telling the truth to yourself and others — the unmasked reality. Communication is key.

3. Figure out ways to do nothing. It helps a lot.

4. Try to prioritise your physical health. It will last you a lifetime.

I intend to explore these suggestions further in depth in my upcoming posts.

If you found it to be a read worthy of your time, kindly share it with a friend or family member who can benefit from this process of self-reflection.